Thursday, October 20, 2011

heavy loads

Psalms 68:19 Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.

It has been a week and I am tired. I am physically, emotionally, and mentally spent. My gas tank is hovering at empty. I sit here typing this into the computer yearning for the time when I can crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and allow sleep come. There was only one other time when I can remember being this doggedly tired. It was about 9 years ago when I had a not quite 24 month old and a newborn at home and I was winging it as a stay at home mom running on fumes and praying for nap time to come early that day.

I have spent the last two days complaining, and yes whining, about being tired to just about anybody who will listen. My kids have taken the brunt of some snippy responses. My colleagues have had to bear with a droopy-eyed, caffine addict who can barely remember her own name let alone remember the details of the conversation between staff members from yesterday's meeting. And my amazing husband who has had to, more than once, deal with the stubborn streak of mine that loves to be heard when I am worn out.

My week has been challenging and yet the one place I needed to turn to the most with my burdens and frustrations was not where I went. God can and will and wants to carry our burdens. I should have turned to God, cried out to him and asked him to take the multitude of weight that I have been trying to carry as SuperWoman and allowed the one who can carry them do so with ease. And yet I gave into the faulty thought process that I could only rely on myself, that noone else could possibly understand or be able to handle everything as well as I could. The reality: The foolish man built his house upon the sand and just as his house went splat. My reasoning sent me to the point of exhaustion.

When I started typing this devotion, my heart was heavy with guilt and my shoulders were drooping. And now I am blessed to know that these burdens that were causing my knees to buckle are being carried by someone far wiser, far stronger, and far more able than me.

Thank you Lord for reminding me of just how much I need you in my life. Thank you for opening my eyes and my heart to hearing again just how much you want me to ask for your help and share with you my needs. Lord, I turn over to you now all of the hurt, the hearache, the sadness, the anger and the fear that I have to you. I am tired Lord. I am worn out. Lord may I remember more often to look to you in my times of need. Thank you for being there for me and daily reminding me just how special I am to you and how much you love me. Amen

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