And she made a vow, saying, “LORD Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”
1 Samuel 1:11
Miscarriage or baby loss is an uncomfortable topic for many Christians. I would be lying if I said I didn't feel the same way. Many families go through it privately and you may not even know it has ever happened. For those who do share the information it is almost impossible to know the right thing to say to a family going through that loss and it is easy to feel helpless. It is even harder to be a comfort when you haven't been through it yourself.
Two years ago today we were enjoying a vacation with family and I was days shy of 12 weeks pregnant. I began to lose that baby and my life changed dramatically. I've never experienced anything so emotionally painful. I also had not known too many people close to me who had miscarried. As we returned home and came back to our ministry, I found great solace in my congregation and the friends within it.
Since that time, three other members in our congregation have also lost babies. I never would have imagined in that moment two years ago how God would take that awful time and make it so that I could offer support to my friends.
How can you help someone who is going through a miscarriage? Every person is different and all the ladies around me have had a different reaction...but here are some ideas for reaching out to them.
-First and foremost pray a lot
-Offer them help with their other children (if they have them) but know that they also may want them around for a distraction. I needed a break at times but at others just wanted to hold my kids close.
-Offer to make a meal for them. Even a simple lunch of mac n cheese and chicken nuggets made my day brighter.
-Encouraging them in remembering that baby...don't make light of it. We planted a tree in our yard and gave our baby a name. These were my ideas, but my friends supported me and didn't make light of my desires to remember this child.
-Help them if they are sad in public. I know I lost it on mothers day in church and started crying right in the middle of communion. It was a blessing to me that a friend was standing there next to me. She linked arms with me and led me back to my seat.
-Some people just need time and space. Know that that is okay too! If you have offered support and help and it has been rejected, know that is your friend is hurting in ways you may not comprehend. Give them the space they need and in time she will be ready to get back to "normal."
As Christians we have hope for a reunion with these children we never got to hold on earth. That doesn't erase the pain, but it does help ease it in time.
Praise God for your healthy babies today!
What precious gifts our children are! Help us to reach out to women who so desperately want a baby and can't have one. Help us to be of comfort and help to those suffering loss.