Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Everything Changes

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 ESV)

I am fifteen weeks pregnant with my first child. I can no longer fit into any of my pants, and most of my shirts are getting a bit snug around my belly. My mom thinks I'm bigger than I should be at this point, and although there is definitely more of me these days, I actually weigh less than I did before getting pregnant. She thinks that means I'm having twins. I keep insisting that we've only heard one heartbeat so far, but she doesn't think that means very much. After all, there is a history of fraternal twins in my family....

Twins are not really in my plans. It wouldn't be the end of the world, and if you catch me in the right mood, I might even be tempted to say that twins might be kind of fun. But we can have twins later. For right now, twins are not in my plans.

In two months my husband and I move back to St. Louis for his last year of seminary. Just the fact that I'm pregnant means most of our plans for this last year have already had to change. We need a bigger place to live in than we were planning. I need more work-from-home kind of work so we don't have to pay child care on top of tuition. We're only going back for one year of school instead of the two or three more years we had talked about. And I could go on and on and on. And on some more. So much has changed already.
Babies change everything! This refrain keeps repeating itself in my head, followed by the question, What if it is twins?!  And the refrain that immediately follows that thought is Jeremiah 29:11: For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord....

I find so much comfort in this verse. Even when the plans I make change (and I like to make plans) or don't work out the way I think they're supposed to work out (and I have definite opinions on the way my plans should work out), I know that God has plans for me, and His plans are infinitely better than my own.
I love that the ESV uses the word wholeness to describe God's plans. God's plans for us are for wholeness, not falling-apart-ness (which is what I often feel like doing these days). He has a future for us. He gives us hope; He gives us Jesus who is our hope and who makes us whole when we mess up or when we feel like giving up.

And what is even more amazing for me to think about right now is that He also has plans for my baby (or babies). He plans for my baby to be whole, and He sent Jesus to make my baby whole, and to make me whole, and to make you whole, and your children whole. It's such an amazing thing to think about what those plans might be.  And whenever I dwell on that thought, the idea of twins doesn't seem quite so daunting.

Heavenly Father, I am so thankful that you have plans for me that are greater than my own. Continue to make me whole and to put me back together when I fall down or fall apart. Calm my fears about the future and remind me of the hope you have given me through Jesus Christ. It is in His name I pray, Amen.

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