Who's in charge here???

Moving across the country when I was a sophmore in high school. Relocating my family only to find out that the primary source of income was not as stable as originally expressed. The diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes in my son. None of the experiences I listed were events that I planned on happening. Each time these events took place I struggled to accept that things changed from what I had originally planned.

I didn't want to leave my home and friends to move to California. I worried about how we were going to support our family of four without a consistent income. I worried about the long term health of my son and the management of his disease.

While none of these events were on my long term plan for my life, I have learned more about life and more about myself in the process. Moving across the country forced me to be more extroverted and meet new people. Relocating my familly while most definitely challenging and extremely frustrating allowed me to be available to find a new position that has allowed me to grow into the leader that I am today. The most difficult challenge I have faced up to this point is the diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes in my oldest son. Facing my own mortality is a challenge of it's own but struggling with the very real possibilty that I could outlive my own son creates a feeling of helplessness and sadness that is quite frankly, without description.

So where do we as mom's go when the world around us that we want to fall into our routine is truly out of our control. Where do I go when the frustrations of counting carbs, measuring insulin and pricking fingers becomes too much? I find myself searching through the book of Job.

Job, a man described as being blameless and upright. I am who desired so much to follow God's commands that he would make sacrifies to God on behalf of his adult aged children. Yet God allowed Satan to test Job by taking away his livelihood, his family and ultimately his health. Job lost everything of value and was then left to struggle through this difficult time on his own by his wife and his friends. Despite all of his losses Job continued to remain faithful to God. It is often times just the perspective I need to snap me out of my own pity party and back to the reality that God uses just these times of challenging time to grow in us a better understanding of ourselves and who we are as His child.

There are a multitude of verses in scripture that I have read, memorized and can recite but one that I most often find God leading me back to in times of trouble is found in Jeremiah, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord."Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."

I do not know what is coming on the temporary horizon of this world around me. I do not know where God is going to send in this world to lead next. But what I know with assurity is that these challenges are continuing to purify me and allow me to grow in my faith.

Thank you Lord for being in control and knowing better than I do what experiences will allow me to grow into be the child of God that you want me to be. Thank you for walking me through these times and guiding me as your child. May you continue to refine and purify me. In your name I pray, Amen.